Rules for Cats #3

Rules for Cats #3:  Learn to deal effectively with children, dogs and other inferiors.

• If you have brawled with other house felines, deny your role in the unpleasantness.  Hold firm to your story, even if tufts of the other fellow's fur are visible between your toes.
  
  
• Children are generally to be avoided, except in picnic or barbecue situations, where they seldom keep close watch on their plates.
  
  
• There are several steps to handling dogs:

1. When a strange dog enters your home, climb to a safe height and look both terrified and hurt.
2. Keep a straight face as the dog is scolded for frightening you.
3. Allow yourself to be coaxed down with an editable treat.
4. When no one is looking, swipe the dog across the nose.
5. Repeat steps 1-4 as often as necessary, until the dog is permanently removed.
   

• If, during the day, you have had a disagreement with another cat, wait until later to settle it.  After midnight is mandatory, preferably between two and four a.m.

Taken from "The Rules for Cats" by Fancy Mews